My station

3 04 2009

I am not a very religious person but I do like to reflect on the bible and religions scriptures. It gives me freedom and a clear mind.

If you have ben following, you would know by now I am directing my church’s passion play. And I am so worried no only how well my cast is acting but also their spirtiual growth. So I asked them to take a look at a station that they feel is most important to them and try to relate to a person in that station.

Mine would have to be the 11th station. I like to think I am the good theif. I know I have done wrong and I am put on the cross, fully bared to the word, my faults flaunted in the face of God, begging for his forgiveness. I can relate to him alot. I am not perfect and I would do anything to have forgiveness. I have carried my cross and now I want to offer everything up.

I think we can all relate to something in the stations of the cross.


Stuff you didn’t know about the holidays

27 03 2009

The wars we fight

17 03 2009

Freedom Writers and the diary of Anne Frank show such inspiration, bravery and courage and everyone of us look at them and go ‘Wow. They went through a lot. They were fighting a war’. Let me ask everyone this. Aren’t we fighting a war? Aren’t we all fighting an undeclaired war? We might not be using violence. We might not be physical in our wars. We are all at war.

Hear me out.

How many of us are going through family problems? How many of us are facing problems at school? At work? Bullies? Gangs?

How many of us are fighting a war with ourselves?

How many of us feel like we have the whole world on our shoulders and at any time, the moment we show weakness, the world would come crashing down?

If you don’t face that, you are either one lucky human being or not human at all. The problem with conflict and war is that it is all around us. We sometimes don’t see it or refuse to see it or we just become the ignorant creatures we can be and ignore it all together. Everyday, we all fight wars. I fight a war everyday. I fight a war with no one else but myself and I know that some annoying person who reads my blog will irritate me tonight or tomorrow. But I really don’t care.

My friend is in one of the most complicated wars I have ever seen. And I don’t even know how to help. She is going through so much and all I do is stand there fighting my own war. She fights a war to be with her family, to protect herself from her family. She fights this war to want to know what being a ‘family’ is all about. It is almost a year since she changed coustody and now I don’t know if I did the right thing insisting she do it. And out of everything else I have to handle, I beat myself up everyday because she is my best friend.

I beat myself everyday and that is one reason for my war. Now, I am fighting for more. I am fighting for respect. Directing my cast and getting respect from them isn’t my problem. Anyone want to know the real reason why I took up this? I wanted the challenge. I wanted the challenge to prove to the adults of my parish that our youths are capable. They say our youths are not active. We aren’t involved. We are respecting our faith. Look. Look at what our youths are putting up. Look. Listen. Listen to their voices. Listen. Listen to the way they praise. Listen to the way they sing. Listen to their words.

Some wars are shared. The respect I want from the adults is what all teenagers want. Don’t believe me? Look in your parish. In your place of worship. In your community. In your neighbourhood. In your city. In your state. LOOK in your COUNTRY. Look in OTHER  countries. Look world wide. Adults believe that anyone who is not working is incapable and hence shouldn’t be given a chance to earn and gain respect. Step in our shoes for a second, will you? You don’t get it. We constantly are told indirectly that we need to prove ourselves. We feel that way. We need to be the best we can be, for our friends, for our families and for the benifit of the whole entire world. We have so much to prove.

People say do your best. It is ok if you fail. Do your best. Be your best for it is all we need. And you do your best and you do fail and you see it in their eyes. The disappointment. The sadness. Everything is gone. And those are the people who believe in you. For those who don’t well, they expect you fail. So you have to make those who believe in you proud and prove those who don’t wrong.

See the war we are fighting….I am fighting.

Freedom Writers.

That is what we are. We should all be given that title.

Why I’m being Nasty

14 03 2009

I am currently directing a play for my church. And it is now lent and the play will be held on Good Friday. Soif you guessed that it is a play about theb passion of Christ, DING DING DING, you are absolutely correct.

Now the thing is people are asking me why am I so hard on myself? Why am I so critical? I’ll tell you why. I am under the age of 20! I am directing a play that the youth are helping to do. Anything goes wrong during the play or if I get any complaints it is MY HEAD ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK. Not my actors, not my asistant directors. MINE.

Anyone wanna see me head less?

I need to show the priest of this church that I can be responsible, that the youth can be responsible.

If I don’t show that now, who will?


10 03 2009

Do you really believe in control?

What is control in the first place?


<a href=”″ target=”_blank”><img src=”” border=”0″ /></a> [kuhn-trohl] Show IPA verb, -trolled, -trol⋅ling, noun

–verb (used with object)

1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
2. to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one’s emotions.
3. to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallel experiment or other standard of comparison.
4. to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire.
5. Obsolete. to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.

6. the act or power of controlling; regulation; domination or command: Who’s in control here?
7. the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another: The car is out of control.
8. check or restraint: Her anger is under control.
9. a legal or official means of regulation or restraint: to institute wage and price controls.
10. a standard of comparison in scientific experimentation.
11. a person who acts as a check; controller.
12. a device for regulating and guiding a machine, as a motor or airplane.
13. controls, a coordinated arrangement of such devices.
14. prevention of the flourishing or spread of something undesirable: rodent control.
15. Baseball. the ability of a pitcher to throw the ball into the strike zone consistently: The rookie pitcher has great power but no control.
16. Philately. any device printed on a postage or revenue stamp to authenticate it as a government issue or to identify it for bookkeeping purposes.
17. a spiritual agency believed to assist a medium at a séance.
18. the supervisor to whom an espionage agent reports when in the field.

Sometimes I wonder why I use
Well, in any situation, you have a certain about of control. However, the only thing you can control is yourself. Your feelings, your thoughts and your actions. You can’t control the actions of others.
If you could….well we can only imagine.
Well, it is all that we can only do. Once we let out thoughts come under our control, we can further understand ourselves and control our efforts to making a situation work out. We can only wait for a reaction for the other party.
Don’t control the world, control yourself.

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International Women’s day

10 03 2009

Last Sunday, 8 of March, was International Women’s Day and since it was a special day, I wanted to do a special post on a special lady. Sadly, I wasn’t very much inspired. However, on International Women’s Day, instead of embracing the joys of being a woman, my cousin, a friend and myself exposed our flaws, faults and regrets that we, as women, have made.

Many of what that conversation is secret and will remain secret. However, the fact that we didn’t celebrate our womanhood to me came as a shock. We did one thing no woman has the pleasure of doing.

Accepting her flaws. Her faults. The things in her life she wishes she could change. Ladies, come on. We all have to admit it someday. Why not sooner? We aren’t perfect. We are fully human.

On international woman’s day, while many spent their day enjoying being a woman, I embraced that I am not perfect. That I have flaws. The sooner I told myself that, the better I felt. So ladies, what if you have a bad hair day? Or if everyone you are working with thinks you have this major crush on your colleague? You are merely a human being.

In the past women weren’t given high expectations. Now, we try to reach expectations which are beyond us. You are human. Not an alien. Not a superhuman. A NORMAL human being, stop living up to the expectations of others and always do the right thing.

Now, if you can excuse me. I need to go practise what I preach.

My Lent Commitments

1 03 2009

So Auditions for the passion play yesterday didn’t rock so much. Never mind. Today is a new day.

So I went for mass yesterday, and father went on about lent and our pentance for the year. I know what’s my pentance. It is something that will make me suffer, deprive me and yet it will be all for God.

I’m directing the Passion Play.

I am directing a bunch of annoying uncooperative and proud kids relive the last few moments of the life of Jesus Christ, the last few moments when the terror, sorrow and suffering took over everyone. Ironic isn’t it?

I don’t know how to make them see that. Make them see how important this is to me. How important this is is whoever is involved.

Do you know that if a play is horrid the director gets blamed? And if a play is brilliant, they actors get the credit! Life is unfair.

Just remember. God! I am doing this for the big guy up there. I bet he’s having a chuckle out of this.

This year, I am not going to be playful Cheyenne. No. Not this year. I won’t get work done. I am friends from last year join the play this year and if they think I am not serious they can just leave. The door is open for people to go! I’ll recast. It is not that difficult to recast.  I do not want to work with people who think they are the best and no need to audition. It doesn’t work like that. Friday is my first practise. I’ll have the script out and printed and photo copied for everyone. This Friday is a read through and we will start working on the first few stations. Hopefully i can get 2 or 3 stations done by this week.

Sigh. Right now I need the prayers of many for me not to drop dead on the ground. Oh dear Lord help me.