Where’s my social life?

31 10 2012

Dear World,

It’s week 10 year in NUS. Strange how everything has gone so fast. I’m starting to understand how the system runs in school and in hall and its everything I imagined it would be… then there’s me not coping accordingly?

It’s strange. I always thought of myself… as being able to adapt to the situations around me. I thought I was ready for the rigor of Uni life and the thing is I am. I’m just not adapting to the social life well enough.

I think it’s harder when you don’t have a stable group of people to confide in or talk to. I didn’t really think I would have this problem. I think I started off ok, befriending my neighbours and all but perhaps because exams are fast approaching, everyone is focused else where… or people use ‘meetings’ and events to socialise. I don’t know. It feels… unusual to me. Work is work, play is play. It’s hard for me NOT to separate the two.

I’m trying to be open to it. I’m trying to be social and talk to people and listen to people and be… as tolerant as I can of some but somehow I keep thinking I might be doing it wrong. There are people who think I’m scary or too loud or aggressive and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m trying to tone down but tensions are high right now. It’s not easy.

Like we will be having an inter-cultural night (ICN) at KE7 this week in which I’m lights manager for… or lights operator… whatever. I do the lights. And it’s not the bad system that gets me… because a man shouldn’t blame his shoe for the fault of his feet… so I can deal with the bad lighting system. In fact, I can work with it pretty decently. It’s  just the performance groups that get me… I guess. I’m not used to a show being run like this. It makes me cringe. It’s hard to express without being too ranty.

Ok I’ll try.

We keep talking about professionalism but we don’t really do it. The show doesn’t feel like it’s run that way. And I know my dictatorial-ness is coming out…. I’m trying… not to be… I just..

Sigh.

I knew this would be a problem

Cheyenne

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