2010 Report/ Letter

Everything has been firgured out, except how to live. Jean-Paul Sartre

 Dear world,

So this day has come. 31 December 2010. The last day of the year. Many Youtubers have done 2010 year reviews and I intend to do my own. Unfortunately, I don’t know if the entertainment level would be the same as some of the videos online.

Well, everyone knows what happened in 2010. Obama is rocking out the presidency. He even ended the war ( yeah, it was not that well publised). There is a new healthcare plan in America and the UK raised University fees. Singapore held the F1 again and the very very first Youth Olympic Games. Hmm, what else happened. Snow came to Europe and has packed up there. Wikileaks happened too; which is good for people who do end year reviews. Wikileaks was this years best scanddle. Last year I think it was Obama being president and Tiger Woods sex encounters. (Yeah the King of Pop was there too but the press had more fun with Woods). The I pad came out this year. You know, its just a giant sized itouch. The iPhone 4 was released too. The apple people are geniuses, (and not in terms of their technology). In terms of Youtubers. DeStorm as a new shoe modeled after him. Dave days is switching from paradies to his own stuff ( now not only is he cute, he is talented too).

But you would see this in all other year reviews.

Every year, I write a letter to myself and the very next year I read the letter and reflect. It is a good practise. I (finally) found last years letter and remember my deep and strong feelings towards getting into the school and course of my dreams. You may think now that this is some random rant but not entirely. Every year, around this time, I write two very personally letters, one to myself and another to my readers.

This year, thanks to everyone, I hit my 10,000 views. It was something to celebrate. I don’t see the numbers flying or sky rocketting any time soon but I am glad that I have a generally healthy flow of traffic to my blog. People ask me what do I write about and I tell them life. Sometimes it is personal. Sometimes I am trying to convince you of a cause and sometimes I am not too sure myself. That is life. Life is such a broad topic and I think that is why I love it so much. Like the quote above, no one really knows how to live. And I know many say ‘oh, you need a niche for your blog’. Screw you! Life is a niche. Everyone can relate to it. And when I blog, I figure out how people live and why people live them and try and understand you. And then try to tell you what I understand.

Next year, I will cramming (again) for exams. But I will blog when I have the chance and inspiration. But I plead all of you. Go out to the world and forget that its 2011 tomorrow. Enjoy countdown celebrations. Eat, drink ( don’t drink and drive). Tomorrow will come sooner than any of us will hope. And watch out. I might just be writing my 2011 year review WAY faster than any of us thinks.

All the best for the new year.

Love, Cheyenne.

talents are yours

Hey world,

so I am currently in Tampines Junior College and if any JC students are wondering what my combination is, it’s H2 chem, math and theatre studies and H1 bio. To the rest of the world that didnt understand the above combination just know that I take Theatre studies (TS).

My College has ‘ asked’  everyone to purchase the book ” the 7 habits of highly effective teens’  by sean covey.

They have also ‘ asked’  us to read it. Now, I am reading it for some hope that it will help me in some way in my life.

After reading through the first …oh….30 pages or so, it has.

This morning before drama cca ( not TS lesson) I was reading a page on finding and developing your talents. Now ladies and gentleman, if you recall in my secondary school days, I was indirectly told that I could not act ( but I am not that stupid to believe a word the person said). I love acting. I love the stage. However in 2008 I tried my hand at co-directing a school play and even directing the passion play in my church for the year 2009.

I loved it. it was fun. To an extent, even more fun than acting.

So after reading that section, it made me think ‘ Do I really want to be a cast member for this year’s Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) Competition?’ Now we have the option of becoming a crew member.

So this morning I swapped. And I came back early. giving my mother a shock. She didn’t take the news….as well as I thought she would. I will admit that I originally wanted to be crew and one rehearsal, the instructor pointed to me and said you’ll be the boss! I was in cast.  I kept thinking of changing and even my friend said he wanted to switch from cast to crew so we did it together this morning.

I felt kinda happy and like this burden was lifted off me. I know there is an acting component in TS and I know I will have to act but I wanted to oppertunity to explore other areas. I will improve my acting to the best of my abilities. However I dont want to deny my chance of exploring other possibilities and other areas .

I think it will be fun.

I hope everyone finds and develops a talent. ANY TALENT.

just as long as you are happy, I am happy

The scary adult world awaits….

Hey….fast and enhanced adult world.

I am Cheyenne. I am 16 and I am SCARED AS HELL.

There are many reasons to why I am scared as hell. Firstly, my school posting results are out in about 10.25 hours from now. That would be 8am on the 27th of January Singapore local time that the Ministry of Education releases the posting results. I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN GET INTO THE SCHOOL(S) OF MY CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!! Secondly, I have another fear concerning the school(s) of my choice. You see, I am eligible to enter a Junior College( JC) where it is compulsory for me to take Malay as a subject. If you haven’t been following my blog, or if I have yet to mention it then I will mention it now. I SUCK AT MY MOTHER TONGUE! Finally my mum told me I might not be able to study in an overseas university because we might not afford it.

NOW I AM SCARED AS HELL. I want to cry so much. Not that I hate Singapore Universities. I just really want to get out of this country. Plus there are universities that offer me better Drama or Marine Biology courses. I am currently looking at scholarships. I AM 16 AND I AM LOOKING FOR SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!

There are other options. I am looking for a part time job. I am scared to death as it is and I don’t mind tutoring little kids to help fund my college courses. I don’t want to commit to a job just yet. I don’t know what my timetable is like until I enter a school (which I hope is soon).

I feel like a kid living in an adult world. My parents tell me don’t grow up too fast but the fact of the matter is that I have to. I can’t survive in this world without ‘ growing up fast’ . The harsh reality is hitting me hard, and I am not even facing the worst of it yet. I should have taken up a job.

I think when I am all settled, I’ll apply to a tuition center.

I am a kid living in an adult world. I wanted to grow up fast. I wanted to be free and I wanted to be extremely adult. Now I wish time would stop. Just for me. I don’t want to grow up any more.

I am scared for what the world will bring to me.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t turn 16…..

Lots of luck,

Cheyenne

Nothing in life is free.

And this doesn’t even apply to money!

Seriously. This post is free. The only thing you will get free from me. But remember, you had to buy the laptop,pay for the internet access ( unless you are in a free hotspot) and you have to pay the electrical bill at the end of the month for charging your laptop. If you ask me where did I get this silly explanation above, I would like to thank my class 4/9 of 2009. I remember this answer and I know which girl said it ( all girls school remember?) but I can’t remember the question…hmmm

Anyways I hope you don’t mind the above wackiness. I am getting to my point.

Last Monday at 2pm, the GCE O level results were released. All my friends and schoolmates went back to school to collect our results. Some had tears of happiness, some had tears of sorrow and some ( like me) just could not believe their results.

Before I go on, I would just like to express my reason to why this post is so late. It is because, if I posted it any earlier it might come off as a bragging post rather than an inspirational one. I will not post the actual results like how many As and Bs I got but I will tell you that I am a 12 pointer. It is not a perfect score but it comes pretty close.

Anyways, to all those who got great results, congrats and I believe all of you will agree with me that we worked our butts off for those results. We either worked unbelievably hard or studied using mind maps, audio tapes or other methods of studying and revising that we know will work for us.

However, I do not wish to discourage those who did not do so well. Exams are not for everyone. This is why school does not work well.

If you were present at any Singaporean school ( I don’t know about the rest of the world), you could hear people tell the top students that they are so smart. “GENIUS AH YOU!” is the slang version or “You are VERY SMART LA!”. I had people tell me what too. Well not really. I am not really smart. In fact I entered secondary school with a low Primary School Leaving examination grade. I worked my butt of for this exam because I had a goal. Some didn’t do well because they were unsure of their goals, others just did not have any and sometimes it is external reasons why one does not do well.

However, work your butt 0ff. Take it from me. I squeezed my brain during the examinations and worked my butt of months before.

I have a friend, Herman. A few months he asked me for my goal grade. I told him 6 which is all As. He said it was impossible. I am from a convent school. A neighbourhood school. I should not dream big.

I might not have reached that goal but I did pretty well, well enough to enter the school which will offer me drama.

A few days ago Herman asked me for my secrets.

I don’t have secrets. I just tried my best and left the rest to God.

Ok. I do have secrets. But when I tell you them, you will think they aren’t really secrets cause you already heard of it. You just haven’t tried it yet.

I use colourful notes, check my work, revise according to how well my brain can cope and use loads of helpful and inspiring phrases. I visualise my results why before hand. You must be a dreamer and you must have courage

Dreams are like stars you may never touch them but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny ( Anonymous)

Courage is not the absence of fear but the acquired ability to move beyond fear. ( Matthew Kelly)

My future, my choice

Today I went out with my cousins and my friend, Dhivya but only one cousin ( plus Dhivya) had dinner with me at Singapore flyer.  We had a discussion about my future. Upon getting my O level results, I will have to make a choice. A junior Collage(JC)? A polytechnic? Singapore School of the Arts(SOTA)? Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts(NAFA)? Private Arts school?

When I am looking at JCs, she asked me why waste my time? Polytechnic is a wonderful route. And if you are interested in drama, enter SOTA.( note: I am tired!!! I don’t remember all the words to that conversation.what she really said isn’t the above…its just paraphrased).

I just got ticked off. She is in Normal Academic Stream which does 5 years of Secondary School so she heads back tomorrow while I did 4 years in the Express stream ( Singaporean NA readers this is not discrimination! I am just explaining to others who do not fully get our education system).

I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to really do. I mean I am at a crossroads and I don’t want to regret anything and I have been taking my time with this decision.

I just got an application for a scholarship. It is in engineering but I am not fully interested in that.

I don’t know. I think everyone should stop worrying about everyone else’s futures and worry about their own.

I forgive my cousin if anyone like wants to know. I can’t stay mad at her for long.:)

Excuses.

To be perfectly honest I hate people who make excues for themself.

Today during The BIGGEST LOSER, this pair made excuses to notfinish the challange when they lost. But the thing is even the two other pairs did not win but they still finished their challange. Finish what you started. No matter ho hard, difficult or time consuming it is.

Also, I was helping out some friends with their school play today. Many made excuses that they were nervous and couldnt do as instructed. I pulled them apart and worked one on one. The shy one that had a chunk of lines could do it more easily than he previously did and the other could beat box ( which is so cool) and he did not want to do it cause it was ‘embarrasing’. He ended up doing as suggested after he beat boxed for 36 seconds straight. He kept saying he could not. But he did! sigh….

excuses. a trick of the mind to tell you that you cant.

A tribute to all dads

Happy Father’s Day to my Dad and all dads of the world. Here are a bunch of random sentences put together to form something special to dad’s and their kids.

Dads are the greatest gift you can ever have.

So cherish your dad.

Make your dad proud of you.

Make your dad smile.

Tell your dad you love him.

Dad will always be there for you.

Dad is never afraid of anything,

unless, of course, it is losing you.

Dad is perfect in every single way.

Dad loves you.

Cares for you

Is hardly the bad guy.

Dad always wipes away those tears,

and turns that frown upside down.

Dad tells the best stories,

of pirates, giants, soldiers

and of his life’s worth of experiences.

So here is to all dads

especially mine

for being so loving and forever kind.

Dad will always believe in you

and me

so thank you Dad,

for giving me everything that I could ever need.

Happy father’s day

Love Cheyenne Phillips.

English Mid-year

I believe in being proud of my work and I got 22/25 for my free writing essay for my english examination. So I thought I put it up. It is entitled Scars and the only gruesome sorry i hav ever handed in to my teacher. This is the edited version. It is not very much different and I hope you all like it.

Scars

Sierra stared at her reflection. The marks on her stomach, the scratches on her arms and her blue-black legs were all the physicaly scarrings she faced the night before. She turned and looked at her back in the mirror. Those marks which were bleeding the night before still stung. She pulled down her black body-hugging shirt, grabbed her school bag and walked out the door. She did not even say bye to her mother who did not notice her daughter leave.

Stepping out into the sun, Sierra glanced around at the empty streets. She felt a warm sense of relief but knew in her neighbourhood, she had to leep her guard up. Mr. Johnson glared at Sierra from across the street as he was getting his mail. He, like man, could not see past her violent acts, her illegal actions and her dysfunctional family. As a matter if fact, Mr. Johnson could not look beyond the colour of her skin.

All Sierra could think of was that Mr Johnson was a grumpy old man who did not care about her well-being. In this unproclaimed war, being strong and protecting your own was all you should live for. It was all she could live for. Yet, she hated herself. She had not been strong the night before. She did not protect her own the night before. She thanked the Lord Mr. Johnson did not know the full story of last night’s events. She knew he was very capable of shooting her.

As she walked onto school grounds, many conversations froze and all eyes were on her.  She could feel their stares, like blades piercing her, scarring her even more. W0rd had definately gotten out. This was no longer a small inocent 14 year old Latino girl. After what happened last night, Sierra was a full grown woman, the kind thatr stood up for what she wanted, the kind who fought her own battles and the kind that was considered a traitor.

How did she do it? How did a freshman at Wilson High School become this woman overnight? Sierra took her seat in the middle of her English class, the worse seat to be in at that moment. No one saw her scars. All they saw was a Latino girl who started last night’s shootings.

Last night, Sierra was scarred physically and emotionally. Last night scarred her more than the past 14 years ever did. Her beautiful face turned hard as her memories filled the emptiness she felt in the room.

Calvin Johnson who turned 16 last night was Mr. Johnson’s oldest son and Sierra’s secret lover. Calvin never wanted to be like his father and he befriended Sierra when she was 12. Back then her father was an alcoholic and an abuser. He would hit her mother and tried many times to sell Sierra on the streets to support his addiction. Fortunately, God had blessed Sierra with speed. Her father scarred her for life and when Calvin sat with her, talked and played with her, she finally understood that ‘love’ was not just a word, it was a feeling. The day Calvin told her he loved her was the day they officially became an item.

They have been together for almost a year. Then news of Calvin being selected  to enter an elite school three states away came and Sierra felt lost once again. Calvin said he wanted to give himself to her before he left and she felt the same way. So last night, he climbed through her window at midnight. Little did they know that Calvin’s gangster buddies and Sierra’s father began the action. He entered her room drunk with his favorite belt in hand and he found his daughter kissing a white boy. He started whipping both of them, yelling at her of being such a disgrace. He kicked both of them out of the house and started yelling at Calvin while Sierra was trying to hold her father back. Her mother just watched.

The two gang came out of nowhere and began fighting on the streets. All was a blur to Sierra now. She just remembered about 5 people being sent to hospital and how the police came and broke up the fight. Her father and a few others were taken into custody. Her mum refused to speak to her. Calvin was immediately sent away that morning.It was not likely she would see him again.

“Sierra. Could you come up here for a moment?” She looked up to find Ms Gwen standing at the teacher’s table. She handed Sierra a letter and told her to step outside and read it.

Once outside, Sierra ripped open the letter and noticed it was in Calvin’s handwriting. It read:

Dearest Sierra,
I am missing you terribly. School here is worse than you can imagine. So I ran away. I’ve found a place to stay and a decent job. I am not making excellent money but I am still stable. I want you to come stay with me. When I have enough money, I’ll send for you, my angel.
Yours Always,
Calvin

Finally, for once in her life Sierra felt all the scars she had vanish. They were healed. The physical scars may take longer to heal but she was posivitely sure they would not be there forever.

AWARE: should we beware it or not?

So the Singapore Goverment is trying to standardise sex education. I may be wrong but that is what I get from reading the article about AWARE this morning. One Principal disagreed with the programme because it went against his schools values.

I feel that there should be some guidelines but schools should be given the oppertunity to teach their students in any way they see fit. I am very very grateful I am in an all girls school because if I were not, I have no idea how I would sit through a sex ed class.

I am going to do more reasearch on AWARE and let everyone know about it and my views. Now, my thoughts are still a little foggy. If you have any infomation or would like to share your views on sex education, drop me a comment below or email me at cheyenne_phillips@hotmail.com

Friends? Really?

So I have this friend. Recently he has been insulting and blackmailing his ‘closest friends’. And I, personally have gotten really annoyed with his behaviour. He has been handing out sorrys like they are nothing to him and I see him as very insincere.

This post is on my views only and no one Else’s. I finally gave up with putting up with everything that he gave me and I just can’t take it any more.

He can’t see it. He can’t see it all that he does. I have given up talking to him. I am going to get insulted and blackmailed again. There is no point reasoning with him. Tried and failed and tried and failed. A person can only do so much. I learnt that when I was talking to my school counsellor. She has been great to me and I have learnt a lot from her.

To this friend, only you can make the effort to listen to us. Or well me.

Friends are sincere. How can you be my friend if you aren’t sincere?

I was just thinking….