Hey World,
I know. I haven’t written to you in a long time. For that, I apologise. I’ve been very busy with school and all. However, I decided to come on today to tell you about something I learnt- from myself.
Today, after school, there was some events that took place which lead to my ’self discovery’, events that I wish not repeat. There was this one conversation with a friend, however, that made me look deeper to who I was.
In front of many of my friends, I am dramatic. No. I am over dramatic and I over react. Trust me. You don’t know the meaning of over dramatic until to meet me in person. I can take the smallest thing and make it a really big thing. I am very loud and I can be scary. I just never saw how scary I was until I had this talk with my friend. I have become so scary that there are secrets that even my closest friends don’t trust me with. That hurts.
There are always excuses I made. ” I am attention seeking”. “I am really dramatic”. ” I am just being me”.”My past has caused me to be this way. I can’t change it”. In the eyes ( or this case ears) of all my friends, all they hear is “blah, blah, blah”. I am going to give the real reason.
Me being over dramatic is my outer armour. Loud. Dramatic. Intimidating. Inside, well, there’s just me. Basically, every time you read a post, you see me. Without the armour. Just so you know, everyone has an armour. Everyone knows that their armour is very brittle and can crumble to the ground time. They keep this armour up because they see everyone else has a seemingly strong armour and feel a need to protect themselves. They feel a need to be strong.
This armour is basically made of energy. I need to be loud and dramatic to be strong. You might need to push people around or gossip to feel strong. This energy that we use to make us strong is actually making us weaker in the eyes of the ones we care for the most. So what do we do? Well, I am not going to change completely. I just have to channel my energy so that instead of it being a big brittle armour, it is a little less intimidating and may be my friends would trust me more than they do now.
May be you can channel your energy for something more constuctive.
With regards,
Cheyenne