Not reaching the bar

I hate this. I just have had something bugging me for a while and I have to get this off right now.

Worse thing about this post is that I will be going totally negative on my school and I usually have nothing to say but now I just find this a little too unfair.

On Tuesday, the upper secondary students went down to the hall for an informal prize giving ceremony. I was upset to find out the day before I was not up for any awards. I am usually tough on myself, expecting full marks, awards and perfection. When I received news that I had not received any award, I went from cheerful to depressed. The award I wanted and I thought I deserved was the Performance Award, which is based on your Co-Curriculum Activity (CCA). I know I was not in any competitions. I wasn’t give the opportunity to represent my school ( I am in drama and to get a role you have to audition which I did….and didn’t get it…seniors get priority my foot!). I was asked to do various other tasked that helped my CCA. I helped train the Secondary 1s! I was the only senior to train all 16 freshmen! I do think I get some sort of credit! What! They could give all of those 180 girls a certificate, they could not afford to print just one more?

They say they want to recognize our talents and achievements. Our strengths and our hard work. I wonder if they really look into who deserves it and who doesn’t.

I don’t know. I might be acting like a sore loser and I well aware of that. With my testimonial being written, one can’t help but worry. My testimonial determines my future…sort of. Under my CCA it will just say ‘member of drama from 2006 to 2009′ and that is it. The one thing I am passionate about and all everyone is going to see on my testimonial is that I was a member. I was not special. Who wants to be remembered as that right?

My best friend knew I wanted that award. I am not too sure if they were convinced if I deserved it though.

I am not sure a lot of people did.

simpsons earth day

My Darling DRAMA MAMA juniors

Dear Diary,
I don’t believe it. After watching them work hard, shed the tears and sweat, they days of staying back extra late, the sleepless nights to finish home work and study for tests, my darling drama juniors received a sliver for their Singapore Youth Festival Competition(SYF)  in the Central Judging. With a standing ovation, the biggest round of applause ( according to the secondary ones) and the sliver award, my darling DRAMA MAMA juniors are ashamed. The moment my Katrina told me, I ran down faster than ever to find disappointed looks and broken hearts.As we made our way to the AVT where Ms Teo, Ms Tan, Mrs Koh, Mr Flanigin and Madam Nora, students peered at us as they made their way down to the hall. We were drama girls. We made ourselves known. Now, it was known that our SYF results were not to expectations. In the AVT, I was the only non-SYF member and I shared when Mrs Koh asked me to, my feels. I told everyone there how I cried when I didn’t get in, how much I was worried about them during their SYF practises. How much, if I was on stage, getting a standing ovation, no matter what part I played, I would be the happiest girl on earth. I cried with them. I was proud of them. They may have broken our chain of gold (on paper) but they didn’t break the chain of our success and entertainment and also the chain of pride I have for them in my heart. I believe the teachers and staff of SACSS would agree with me.

I wrote the above text during lessons because it was bugging me so much. 9:40 am. It was bugging me like crazy. I just had to get it off my chest. After school, I joined in a meeting between the SYF cast and the leaders. I was invited into listen and for support. Some were still upset but I believe we ended up getting everyone believe that we were proud of them. They did amazing. You know what? I won’t even try to describe how well they did! They entertained. They had fun. To me I don’t care about the silver. That standing ovation was the prize they should be crying about. They should be crying tears of joy.

Let me this way. 4 people said they were a silver while they might have been 200 people in the audience. 200 people gave them a standing ovation. Now, 200 people thought they were fantastic while 4 disagree.

You know what? Look at the numbers. I think they add up nicely.

Alot of nosie was made about the day of silence

On the 17th of April, students across 100 collages and universities in the United States participated in the day of Silence which was officially sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network. They wore shirts saything that being gay was ok with them and kept silence for a period of time to support those who were silenced due to their sexutality.

I feel that this is a good example of what should be happening. Not the keepiong silent bit ( although we do have so much noise in the world) but the acceptance of homosextuality. A lot of religious people like to say that homosextuality is against God. That God hates the GAYS.

Sigh. Just throw the bible back at them. God created us in his image. He made us all special. He loves all the children of the world ( which also includes the adults).

If you want throw science at them. Dolphins do commit homosextual acts. After a while they will be trapped in a box they can’t get out of. However, the best thing it to leave people alone. Let them believe what ever they want to. Even if their insults hurt.

Research Topic 1: School

So, my school is trying to get us to prepare for Orals and essays. School happens to be a topic. So this post is about my views.

The reasons why I like school? Well, there are many reasons. School gives me the opportunity to make friends and grow and learn with and about them. I also enjoy learning new facts and information about the world around me. I enjoy working with different classmates and learning their strenghts and weaknesses so that I know who I can work with. School is a very good environment to express talents and is an environment which lets students make mistakes and learn from them easily.

However, the long school hours ( even after the recent adjustments to my school’s timetable) and the different social cliques are the down side of school. School is so much like work life. Students can not enjoy the joys of childhood. Students are exposed to the idea of perfection that having  decent childhood is not easy.

The discipline system in my school to be perfectly honest is not what I would consider an effective system. My school believes in the RESPONSIBLE THINKING PROGRAMME. Basically, when I student breaks a rule, they are sent to the RESPONSIBLE THINKING CLASSROOM ( which is air-conditioned!) to do RESPONSIBLE THINKING and hand in their form to the teacher and not have to return to class. They can take their time to ‘think’ about their actions. Which means they can just go back to class at the end of the lesson. This is so ineffective because students take up class time which they wanted to do in the first place. Also I doubt people who misbehave in class deserve air-conditioning. A better solution would be after school detention. It takes up students free time which they will try to avoid happening. Also, the room used shouldn’t be air-conditioned. A disciple system needs to affect them negatively for them to learn.

My country of the year

So, tomorrow is international day. We are highly encouraged to dress up according to the different coutries of the world. I intend to be french tomorrow. Yup and I am watching Cats after school tomorrow. I am spending to learn french. I have the Italian book but the website gives free recordings for french. Collins Pharsebook and Dictionary website. Have fun. I will take pictures and post them up as soon as possible.

I love international friendship day. I love learning about the different cultures and knowing about other people. I love the diversity of this world. It is amazing how much we think we know and how much we actually do. I know very little about the french and although I might be dressing in trendy blacks and the hat they love to wear ( no idea what it is called).

I am going to study the french language now. I want to impress people tomorrow with my SKILLS. Lol. But honestly, international friendship day isn’t only a time when we get to dress up. It is also a learning experience. As soon as possible I will put up information on the French culture here. They are my country of the year!!!

Blood Diamonds

Diamonds are any girl’s best friend. Buy her a diamond have alittle patience and she will do anything you ask of her. Well…almost anything.

For geography, me and my classmates made a song about the blood diamonds. It is a sad truth that people do die for those small tiny rocks. It is true that if I go straigh to the source, I will buy diamonds at 3 bucks.

Diamonds are very well marketed if you ask me. We have a large supply of diamonds ( yes we do! look it up) and yet being completely human, we love shiny stuff. So they take those small dirty rocks, polish them, cut them, put them on a ring and you buy it for a couple of hundreds of dollars. Man, don’t we wish we all are in that business?

It is amazing. The way diamonds are marketed such a way that people believe that it is tradition to give a girl a diamond ring when you wanna marry her. In the mists of getting married and bringing happiness, someone died. A small kid paid with his life while you paid cash. Think about it when you get a diamond ring.

OUR FUTURES???

Being part of one of the graduating classes in my school, my form teacher has this tendancy of reminding us to 1. study 2. prepare not to have a social life after June and 3. think about our futures.  I honestly can say that I have thought about my future. AND I even have back up plans to my back up plan. I feel that most of my classmates know roughly what they wish to persue. Now we are approximately 4 months to our O level examinations and it is pretty tramatising if you ask me.

There is this girl in my class though, whom ( and I’m not even sure why) I am worried about. She doesn’t really like me much and I don’t care but when my form teacher was going around asking what we wanted to do in the future, she said she didn’t want to do anything. We all, of course, thought she was joking and laughed as a class. Trust me. You would laugh too. She is one of the smarter ones in our class and she is a ‘rebel’ too. I am not sure if you would consider her a model student but her grades are definately above average. Way above average.

With brains like that, I can’t see the reason why she does not want to do anything in her future. Everyone might have laughed but I doubt she was joking. She sounded very serious. I don’t know what she has in mind. Find a rich husband? Depend on mum and dad? Both seem unlikely to be true.

To me, it’s strange. A young bright woman and yet doesn’t want a future? Was she kidding? I truely hope so. For her sake.

I don’t know why I am taking a sudden interest. I should be studying Biology. I have a test tomorrow. And my future ahead of me.

Am I doing the right thing?

Don’t you hate life? Sometimes it gets just too confusing and you have to make choices. This is why I hate life.

I hate making choices. Sometimes I just wish I didn’t have free will. I take instructions so freakishly well. I will someone just passed me all the choices I will ever make in life and get it done and over with.

Nah…not always. Sometimes I like the choices I make. Now the biggest choice of all righ now. Chose something conservative or liberal? Something everyone likes or something you like?

My cousin tells me follow my heart. My heart speaks very very strongly towards being liberal. Speaking out, sticking out like the sorest thumb ever. I really dont mind.

I really think I am doing the right thing.

I’m not to sure yet.

im sorry

I hate it when I completely go against what I preach you know.  I never try to take out my anger and rude. It’s not me.

I never try to judge. It is tough though. To understand a situation a person is in, you have to be in that situation and appreciate it. I should have known,

im sorry